Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

A heterosexual lifestyle

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

A FaceBook friend of mine, Daniel Orey, got married a few years ago. He ran into some problems because a state-sanctioned, committed, same-sex marriage is not an acceptable lifestyle for Baha’is, according to his NSA:

“Your same sex marriage in 2008 and statements that you have made on the Internet in support of homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle for Baha’is shows that your position has changed. Such flagrant actions in violation of Baha’i law leave the National Spiritual Assembly with no choice but to remove your administrative rights.”
Let’s start with consulting about a letter

"I think I might be straight" pamphletWhich leaves me wondering how Daniel’s marriage differs from mine, if at all. I got married to Alison in 1991. She had a child, Zohar, from a previous relationship. Alison and I don’t have any children from our marriage. We live together, share most things, don’t have a lot of secrets, argue and make up, help each other out, put up with each other’s foibles and miss each other like crazy when we’re apart for extended periods.  I guess we’re just your typical flagrantly heterosexual couple.

From the outside, that sounds no different to Daniel and Milton’s relationship. I can’t be sure — maybe they have friends over for an orgy every Wednesday night. However,  I’m sure the NSA would have mentioned that in its letter to Daniel if it was better informed than me.

I see this as a human rights issue — the right to marry the person that you love and to whom you have made a commitment.

If a heterosexual lifestyle was banned by my religion, including the option of entering into a loving, committed, state-sanctioned marriage, then I wouldn’t have anywhere to turn, except to stay single. That seems unfair.

I’ve hung out with gay guys a lot, mainly through work, and I know for sure that I’m not attracted to guys. Maybe I didn’t meet the right one; maybe I just needed to be cured of my heterosexual bias through some medical intervention; or maybe I just needed to fake it until I could make it. But I’m pretty sure that conforming to a homosexual lifestyle when I’m actually straight would eventually have led to disaster. So “fitting in” wouldn’t really be an option for me.