Humour

Items ranging from the gently ironic to the satirical

Cecil The Lion 'Truther' Denies Lion's Existence, 'Seeks Hide'

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Category: Humour
Created: Monday, 03 August 2015 04:26
Published: Monday, 03 August 2015 04:12
Written by "Washington Post
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There’s a new “truther” movement out there, and it doesn’t involve jet fuel, steel beams, or Kenyan birth certificates. It does however, center around a global event gripping the hearts and minds of millions – the tragic shooting and killing of Zimbabwe’s beloved Cecil the Lion.

{josquote}People do not wish to see the 9/11 conspiracy”, says former Bahá’í faith minister John deBaptiste.{/josquote}

“People do not wish to see the 9/11 conspiracy”, says former Bahá’í faith minister John deBaptiste. The 54-year old “Validity Parson” believes that certain global incidents, e.g., the World Trade Center attack, and the Newtown tragedy, are staged to distract people’s attentions from actual events. “Today people do not wish to see that the so-called killing of Cecil the Lion was a stunt, engineered to promote human ‘cage rage-and-release!'”

To prove his point, deBaptiste hosted a “Rage Release Referendum” exposing the now debunked rumor that Cecil’s alleged “brother” Jericho was also “killed” by hunters. “Jericho is alive and well! They allowed us to rage, then they gave us the key! The key to uncage the rage!” deBaptiste’s voice boomed before an auditorium filled with devoted followers, who call themselves “Tripplars”, an acronym for deBaptiste’s Rage Release Referendum.

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I Don’t See Race; I Only See Grayish-Brown, Vaguely Humanoid Shapes

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Category: Humour
Created: Tuesday, 23 December 2014 13:32
Published: Tuesday, 23 December 2014 13:21
Written by Janice Ketchum, The Onion
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Janice Ketchum I don’t understand why everyone seems to be so angry lately. Everywhere you look, there are marches, protests, riots—and all of it over so-called racism in our great country. I just don’t get it. I really don’t. But maybe that’s because, when I look at my fellow Americans, I don’t see a particular race or color. In fact, all I see is just a series of muted, roughly person-shaped silhouettes.

And this world would be a much better place if everyone else did, too.

{josquote}I don’t see race, because I am not capable of discerning any physical difference between the nebulous tangle of lifesmears that comprise all of humanity.{/josquote}

If we want to go forward as a country, we have to move beyond race once and for all. It’s 2014! Why is it so hard for people to look past each other’s race, like I do, and see everyone as vaporous, beige-ish forms with limbs? All those blurry, vaguely human-shaped troublemakers shouting in the streets and the translucent bleeding-heart blobs moralizing on TV may feel the need to categorize everyone they see by their skin color, but I don’t give it a second thought. I wouldn’t even know how!

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World Urges Israelis, Palestinians To Focus Mutual Hatred On Region’s Baha'i Peoples

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Category: Humour
Created: Friday, 18 July 2014 16:14
Published: Friday, 18 July 2014 16:11
Written by The Onion
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"Hoping to quell reignited tensions in Gaza this week, world leaders reportedly urged Israelis and Palestinians to join forces and focus their mutual hatred on the region's Baha'i peoples. International authorities expressed genuine hope that by unleashing their combined stores of armaments and decades-long hostilities upon members of the small and persecuted Baha'i Faith, Israelis and Palestinians could achieve lasting peace in the typically war-torn region."


World Urges Israelis, Palestinians To Focus Mutual Hatred On Region’s Bahá'í Peoples

Horton hears a whoso

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Category: Humour
Created: Monday, 30 June 2014 05:08
Published: Monday, 30 June 2014 05:01
Written by Steve Marshall, The Cormorant Baker
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Horton hears a who book cover

Sooner or later, every Bahai gets to hear a whoso. I heard quite a few in the Dunedin community just after Alison was removed from membership. Listen in, and you might hear one, too.

"The sacred and youthful branch, the Guardian of the Cause of God, as well as the Universal House of Justice to be universally elected and established, are both under the care and protection of the Abhá Beauty, under the shelter and unerring guidance of the Exalted One (may my life be offered up for them both). Whatsoever they decide is of God. Whoso obeyeth him not, neither obeyeth them, hath not obeyed God; whoso rebelleth against him and against them hath rebelled against God; whoso opposeth him hath opposed God; whoso contendeth with them hath contended with God; whoso disputeth with him hath disputed with God; whoso denieth him hath denied God; whoso disbelieveth in him hath disbelieved in God; whoso deviateth, separateth himself and turneth aside from him hath in truth deviated, separated himself and turned aside from God. May the wrath, the fierce indignation, the vengeance of God rest upon him!" The Will And Testament of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

When you hear a whoso, it's because a sour kangaroo has objected to the small people having a voice.

“Humpf!” humpfted a voice. ‘Twas a sour kangaroo.
And the young kangaroo in her pouch said “Humpf” too.
“Why, that speck is as small as the head of a pin.
A person on that?... Why, there never has been!”
Horton Hears a who

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The samaritan

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Category: Humour
Created: Tuesday, 18 February 2014 03:19
Published: Tuesday, 18 February 2014 03:16
Written by Michael Leunig, Sydney Morning Herald
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