An open letter to the people who thought the world was going to end over the weekend

It sucks, doesn't it?

It sucks to be so very certain of something — like “The Bible Tells Me So” certain — and then be wrong.

I know this because I've been there myself. Twice.

Oh, I've been wrong about things a lot more than twice, sure, but twice in my life I was absolutely certain the world was gonna end. And both times I was wrong.

And not just wrong — I was WRONG!

The first time was in the early '90s, when I was involved in a humble little doomsday religious cult. We were preparing for the Apocalypse, which we believed would take the form of a nuclear war. This would be followed by all the well-loved Biblical tragedies; gnashing of teeth, moon as dark as sackcloth, cries of agony and so forth. We were convinced that we had the truth — sorry, “THE TRUTH” — but we weren't expecting a Rapture, which meant that we'd still be here on Earth after the Truth hit the fan. So rather than front-loading our efforts with billboards, as you did, we budgeted for follow-up pamphlets. We didn't have quite the same coffers that you have, so these pamphlets were pretty ghetto. Yes, our plan to help the confused masses through the Apocalypse was to hand them a single-sheet, tri-fold, photocopied, clip-art illustrated pamphlet.

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