Items ranging from the gently ironic to the satirical

Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics

Some Seventh Light leaders claim women should be able to preside over traditional spirit-probing ceremonies such as this.

KLAMATH FALLS, OR—According to sources within the Seventh Light compound, a rift has recently emerged within the cult over the question of whether to ordain female disciples as telepathic-vision clerics.

"It is the Singular Essence's will that our holy prophet Raymond was male, as were the initial Six Believers whom he entrusted with the Inward Knowledge," read a statement issued Monday by the group's governing body, the Acolyte Council. "Therefore we cannot condone any trans-dimensional communications, tomorrow-visions, or human or animal castrations performed by a woman."

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The Lost Prophet of the Millennium

Mustaghath, shortly before his occultation

Remember the old Y2K scare? We generally look back at that anxious time as an anticlimax, understanding that nothing much happened at the turn of the millennium. I remember how the Bahá’ís expected world peace to flower by the end of the 20th Century. Since then, many Bahá’ís have sought out alternative interpretations of their failed peace prophecy.

I say “failed,” but I know something that most Bahá’ís don’t. Truth be told, at the close of the year 2001, on the very last day that fell within the Y2K window, a young prophet discovered his calling. Evidence of this portentous moment can be found with the help of the tool known to nostalgic Web surfers as the WayBack Machine:

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Ferr Enough

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A number of years ago I read a short story called "God is an Iron". I have no idea what the story was about, but I remember loving it. And I still recall the title (author, too: Spider Robinson).

The obvious question is why he would consider God an iron. His reasoning? Glad you asked, dear Reader. He said that if someone who commits a felony is called a felon, and someone who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, then God must be an iron. As a Baha'i, I lovingly disagree. I would say that God is the Most Great Iron.

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I’m Better Than You

Yesterday I attended the monthly meeting of the San Diego Interfaith Ministerial Association—or SDIMA for short, which is hard to say without confusing your front teeth. The SDIMA meeting is my big outing of the month. I walk in, they all yell, “Gay! He’s gay! You’re gay!”, and then I go home.

Get it? Cuz it’s an outing?!

That’s right: this blog is still free of charge. And I think we can all agree it’s worth it.

I’m not gay, by the way. I enjoy creating gaiety, via my irrepressible whimsy, but ….

Wow. Could the phrase “irrepressible whimsy” be any gayer

Language. It’s so … dangblanggit irrepressible.

{josquote}But you try saying “Baha’i” without giggling at least a little. It’s not easy.{/josquote}

There’s certainly no denying that I am prodigiously artistic. I think those of you who’ve seen my awesome Muhammad Ali painting would agree: I’m pretty much color blind. And I think that helps. It’s tough to appreciate art when all those obnoxious colors are duking it out for your attention. Being color blind means I’m free to concentrate on substance, not form, like you have to. So I’m better than you. Except at traffic lights. Then you’re better than me. So it all evens out.

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Fast Slow Dissolving Tablets (Infomercial)

"Unity Pharmaceuticals" discovers a innovative way to regress spiritually - Fast Tablets! This funny Baha'i-inspired commercial can be appreciated by all world religions.


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