Items ranging from the gently ironic to the satirical

Minions of the Millennium

God wants us to share his secrets with others

Recent news in the Baha’i world of “mass teaching” efforts remind me of one of my favorite songs from childhood. It was a Baha’i-ified traditional C-major tune with an occasional descending B-flat for blues effect, probably a Negro spiritual, that I knew as “We Are Soldiers in God’s Army”. I’ve been teaching myself to play it on violin lately, and have felt compelled to some liberty with the lyrics.

The Baha’i lyrics are best described as millenarian, Biblical, and didactic; in general, a call to convert the masses. They begin as follows:

Now the Báb blew His trumpet
Announcing to the world the time had come
And like a thief in the night, He came by the Gate
And said He was the Promised One

Verse after verse, the song parades Baha’i leaders before us, exhorting Baha’is to get out and proselytize in the footsteps of their leaders:

The kind commander shows the soldier where to go.

Bahá’u'lláh was the Prophet
He had the Word that is right for now
And when the road got rough and the going got tough
He just stood there and taught anyhow

These verses refrain a curious conflict of tenses (perfect vs. imperfect) that brings to mind some of the intrinsic problems with universal progressive revelation, such as “if it was right for now 150 years ago, is it right for the present “now”? And, “is it really right for everybody?


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Baha'i Superheroes, Villains, Other Comic Book Characters

Legion of Baha'i Super-Heroes

Super Baha'i Girl script
Super Baha'i Girl on YouTube)

Flag-Smasher is the founder and leader of the terrorist organization ULTIMATUM, an acronym that stands for "Underground Liberated Totally Integrated Mobile Army To Unite Mankind".

...Flag-Smasher is currently classified with Baha'is (with a question mark), not because the character ever overtly identified himself as a member of the Baha'i Faith, but because his stated aims and beliefs so closely coincided with Baha'i teachings that a postulated Baha'i upbringing provides the most parsimonious explanation for his persona. But this identification merely has a ranking of "A" (accidental) - the lowest rung on the CBR Scale. On the other hand, the YouTube-spawned character "Super Baha'i Girl" has the highest ranking on the CBR Scale as a "D" character - her Baha'i religious affiliation is her defining characteristic.
The Comic Book Religion Scale

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...and at

Lag Lit

God loves laughter - banned

It's official. "God Loves Laughter" could turn prisoners into terrorists, so it's been banned from federal prison library shelves. No, the officials didn't mistake the late William Sears' book for O.B. Laden's latest video, "God, Love, Slaughter"; they just couldn't be bothered compiling a big list for a little religion. You can read the whole sorry tale in Critics Right and Left Protest Book Removals.

The Cormorant Baker struggles to create original biting satire while so many real-life examples of mindless stupidity exist. It's much easier to report the facts, rather than make them up.

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Jesus In Montana - Can I Get An Amen?

A clip from Barry Smith's "Jesus In Montana: Adventures in a Doomsday Cult," performed at the Vancouver Fringe Festival in September 2006.


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Decoding the Apocalypse

Hey all you eschatological detectives out there in cyberspace! Still looking for your Thief in the Night? Here’s an insightful how-to on thinking prophetically by XBOSS (Ex-Baha’i-of-Sorts) fringe celebrity Barry Smith:


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