Baha'ism and Gay Marriage

Top Five Ways I Am Not A 'Proper Muslim', by Juan Cole

Aymenn Jawad Al-Tamimi

A world-renowned ecumenical religious jurist, Juan Cole has issued thousands of edicts over the past 35 years clarifying long-standing controversies in diverse religions from Roman Catholicism to Kalash polytheism. Rumour also has it that he travelled back in time and was secretly appointed pontifex maximus by Augustus (who falsely claimed he received this title in 12 BC) in order to ensure the proper administration of the compital cults featuring the Lares Augusti in Rome after 7 BC, such that ancient historians are increasingly linking the Roman Empire's ultimate decline to the failure to heed the guidance of Juan Cole.

Having recently explained to ignorant Islamophobes how the Tsarnaev brothers behind the Boston bombings were not 'proper Muslims', Cole now enlightens us in an exclusive guest post for this site on why he himself is not a proper Muslim in half as many ways as he pronounced the Tsarnaev brothers infidels:

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